My heart still aches by the thought of having to say goodbye to you physically. ☹ My Kymmy is the sweetest, most devoted community leader and an overwhelming supportive best friend/family. You truly understand my true essence even when others couldn’t see who I was becoming. So when I started this blog, I shared my ideas, described the concept, and asked you to review my work. As an English major, I knew you would be my perfect editor. You were there each step of the way. Unfortunately, you didn’t have the energy or time to assist, and I knew something wasn’t right. So I searched for natural remedies and tried my best to help from afar. I even reached out to our cousin to find answers and get you the proper care. You were a strong and independent person; I never knew the full extent of the situation. So fast forward to the end of 2021; you got your diagnosis of ovarian cancer. Even with the diagnosis, you were still maintaining a regular life/routine, and you kept it quiet as long as you could. I knew you were afraid of the next steps, but you held a strong faith focusing on prayer, spiritual awareness, and fighting all the way to the end. Your journey was powerful, inspiring, and showed true strength in the face of uncertainty. The love of your girls kept you striving to live and wanting them to have the best life possible.
It has been more than a month since you transitioned, and I am still in disbelief. I still look at our chats about just life. Our late-night conversations about current situations, your beautiful kids, and planning for the future kept me positive and motivated. But, most importantly, we would laugh a lot about silly things. In your voice, calling me “Tommy” in that unique Virginian accent will always resonate with me. Le sigh, who will I visit when I return home for the “River Rats, Town Cats” reunion. So this year, it won’t be the same because I won’t be able to play spades or uno with you. It is bittersweet as we plan our annual trip to Virginia; I can’t message you with the details of my arrival or call you when I get in town.
Since your transition, I have focused on finding peace and solace, allowing me to accept you not being physically in my life. But, of course, we can still talk, but I won’t ever hear your voice again. It still feels like you are still with me even as I type this out. With each stroke of my keyboard, I think about the good times, and I can still feel your touch. However, I also think about the times you won’t be here, like my wedding, purchasing a house and land back in Clifton Forge, and any other life-changing event. The heaviest part of your passing is that you won’t be here for your girl’s life-changing events. So I pray for them every day for their comfort, success, and being at peace with your transition.
With me, I coped with your transition as best as I could think possible. My coping mechanism is to stay busy and not think about my loss. So I dived into work, social activities, yoga/meditation, and other activities that would keep my mind occupied. Also, I read about ways to cope with the grief and loss of a best friend.
Ways of how I am coping:
- Forgiveness: I forgave myself because I thought I should have done more to help her heal. I realized just being there was all that I could do.
- Feel my pain: As I think about Kymmy, I understand that she is at peace without any pain. Although it may hurt that she has transitioned, I must feel that emotion and accept that is what I am feeling. I don’t ignore the emotions, but I monitor them until I am in my safe space.
- Everyone grieves differently: My grieving process will and could look different from others’ grieving process. Honestly, I told myself that is ok with me because we all deal with emotions in our own way.
- Focus on the Present: I have dived into learning about my yoga and meditation practice. I started taking classes to become a yoga instructor and finishing my meditation certification course. These have genuinely been a healing mechanism for me.
- Physical and mental activities: Another coping mechanism is working out and striving for a healthier lifestyle to combat illnesses. Also, I am working on eating healthier and finding preventative cancer-fighting foods.
- Serving others: Simply, I want to be the light and peace for others. Every day, I want to set my intention to be a better person by assisting others. Will I falter, but each day will be better than the next.
Lastly, writing out my feelings is a coping mechanism as well. Hopefully, this blog post helps others cope with a loss. To all of my readers experiencing loss, I am here for you if you need to talk. The best coping mechanism is getting all of your emotions out on the table. But, ultimately. I want each person to live better than yesterday.
To my Kymmy, you will be with me until my final breath, and I hope to see your smiling face when that happens. As for now, I will forever speak of your legacy, and I hope to give back to our community in your honor.
Tribute to Kymberly: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0EocPa3Gww
Southern Cooper 