Black GAY Men PROTECT our Black Women

“If we give our children sound self-love, they will be able to deal with whatever life puts before them”- Bell Hooks I owe the world to my beautiful, steadfast, determined, intelligent, witty, loving, and tell-like-it-is BLACK women who lifted me up while I was down. Growing up, all I noticed was how the women in my family protect, loved, and taught me self-love, unconditional grace, and acceptance. Albeit I saw the trauma and angst of the world on their shoulders, but through it all, they pushed on to be better and do better. We black gay men need to do more and become allies to our Black women. To be in tune with the rhythm of a Black woman is a great and humbling experience, to which I challenge my fellow Black gay brothers to reflect and match their rhythm. My sistas, see the world in its truth and are deliberate about speaking on those said truths with love. I never knew what love is until I received it from the women in my life; my mother, aunts, cousins, play cousins, sistas, and friends. This little Black gay boy needed them more than they knew!! Now it is my turn to uplift them because their crown needs some support!

Our Beloved Black Women

The Black family is led by Black women holding it down and working to develop future leaders. In my family, I noticed that there is more single mother running households than married. Although my mother is married to my dad, her sisters are single mothers trying to create a stable life for their children. As I researched, I found out that more than 70% of Black women are unmarried, based on the 2010 census. There is a multitude of reasons that Black women are unmarried; whether it is because of Black men being incarcerated at high rates, unemployed, or simply Black men are not respecting Black women (inserts millions of examples). These statistics and perceptions are why I am trying to change that narrative. Although being gay, I can show my nephews and other young Black boys and girls on how to respect and revere Black women. My obligation to the Black women in my family, friends, and those unknown to me is to always be respectful and stand behind, beside, and in front.

Honoring and protecting Black women is the least that I could do. The women in my family are determined to change the narrative, our social mobility, and economic wealth while being nurturing and caring for everyone. It is time for that love to be returned. I have noticed that straight Black men (not all) degrade, neglect, and discard a Black women’s essence; Black gay men must be determined in our conviction to call out those incidents continuously. Sometimes, I wish that the more sensible Black gays and Black women should have a town hall meeting to discuss our issues with one another. Believe it not; we probably agree on a lot when all of our burdens are put on the table. The goal is to combat toxic masculinity and ingrained white supremacy.

Our Brave and Beautiful Black Trans Women

HRC recorded 44 deaths of transgender and gender non-conforming people in 2020, more than in any year since we began tracking this violence in 2013.

To the most neglected sector of the LGBTQ community, our trans sisters need our protection and advocacy. They have endured being denied fundamental civil rights like obtaining a decent living wage, jobs, healthcare, accessibility to travel freely, and even the LGBTQ community not fully supporting their rights. “A study by the National LGBTQ Task Force indicates that Black trans people have a 26% unemployment rate. That’s twice as high as the unemployment rate for transgender people of all racial and ethnic backgrounds, and four times as high as the employment rate in the general population.” Harvard Civil Rights-Civil Liberties Law Review

We can march and advocate for equal rights for gays and lesbians, but we often forget to include our trans sisters and brothers in newly enacted policies and laws. Also, violence against Black trans women has occurred from the moment a little black boy decided to transition into their true essence. A trans or non-gender conforming trauma starts in their household, by those that are suppose to love them unconditionally. As they grow older, they are being gunned down, stabbed, assaulted, and ridiculed at an alarming rate. How are we protecting them? Become louder and bolder with your stance on Black Trans Life because Black Trans Lives Matter too. To my straight black women and men, it is ok to march when a trans woman or man is murdered or assaulted. As a Black gay man, I must take more action other than paying money or even writing this blog post. I to, need to do better for my Black Trans Women.

Top Things that I do to Protect my Black Women:

1. Be respectful and treat you how each black women want to be treated. This is simply asking how they would like to receive love; remember, each person is different.
2. Actively Listening without rebuttal or my own opinion, unless asked. Sometimes it is not about me!
3. Fully support and uplift. I stand and speak up in the workspace if a man is being dismissive or cut off a woman, especially if it’s a black woman.
4. Speak kindness and give grace when needed.
5. Be a follower and trust their leadership. Most of my supervisors have been women of color, so this is an easy one.
6. Fight to change laws for black trans women
7. Always Protect at all costs.

Yes, I have excellent father figures in my family such as my dad and some of my uncles. But growing up Black and gay, those same men weren’t protecting my heart, emotional being and were sometimes the root of my trauma. It took a black woman, my Nana to stand up and say, “stop beating that child so much”! Baby, growing up, I got beat because I needed the GAY beat out of me. These men and some women still think beating, degrading, and disowning a child because they are gay, lesbian, bi, queer, or trans will change them are sadly mistaken. Those views are deeply rooted in hate, not love. And calling your nonbinary child, son, or daughter a FAGGOT or DIKE is so traumatizing and downright disrespectful. Thankfully, I am noticing more Black women standing and vocalizing their love for their children openly, even if they love differently. Remember this; we did not choose to be LGBTQ or go against what is deemed a normal lifestyle. Why would we choose a life of neglect and always fighting for acceptance to live? And there is no agenda; child.. the gays didn’t sit around a create a whole agenda just to piss-off heterosexuals.

You see, growing up Black and gay in a male-dominated society deems you invalid to receive love, be loved on, or exist to be your true self. This statement stands true as well being a Black woman in our society. They are not as protected and loved as they should be. But they keep saving our behinds from the injustices of the world. It is time to change that aspect of “The Black Family, and it starts with one person at a time, making it a priority to uplift and support the Black woman. As a man (even though gay), I have had my time and doors opened for me; now, I can use that privilege to push for equity for my sisters.